Lolly Is Losing It

Wow….well, for the first time in my fat history, I made healthy choices this weekend for our fourth of july picnic/bbq/birthday celebration. Not only was the bbq for fourth of july, but we also celebrated my sisters (they are twins) birthdays. So, in years past, I have brought veggie burgers for myself, and ate all the other good stuff - macaroni salad, chips, dip and all the other good stuff associated with any of our family get togethers.
But now that I am not only on a diet, but am also sugar free and Vegan, I had to really plan and prepare. My contribution was a green salad (ranch dressing for the others, Paul Newman organic for me). I also brought my vegan burger, a whole grain bun, organic ketcup for me, veganaise for the burger. I even bought a few veggies and tomatoes from the salad bar, put them in some foil with a bit of EVOO and stuck them on the grill. Can you say yum-o!!

The wonderful news for me with this diet is that I don’t crave the things I used to. I actually was putting out more chips and dip (a long standing love of mine to eat) and wasn’t even tempted to have a bite! And then an ice cream cake for dessert - not even a nibble.

Sure, it is only one holiday and it has only been a few weeks, but I am losing weight and feeling great and having no cravings. For me, that is success.

So far, I am making the right choices! (as I pat myself on the back!)

Love, Lolly

Day four of my new vegan, organic, sugar free way of living and I am feeling great.  No cravings for the usual fattening foods………who knew?  My meals are planned for the week (see my menu on the fridge)

As I have said before, I have been a vegetarian forever and have always wanted to be a vegan.  This week, I have fulfilled a dream that really means a lot to me.

I took these pics on Sunday morning, and after my Saturday organic (i.e. expensive) shopping to trip to Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s.

So this is what a healthy fridge looks like………………who knew?

Yikes, so much for regular, consistent blogging.  But, today is a new day and I will start again.

I recently discovered The Skinny Bitch books/way of life…and yesterday began a completely vegan skinny bitch diet.  So far, so good.  I have been a vegatarian for more than 12 years and always wanted to be a vegan, but was convinced I couldn’t live without my eggs and cheese (earth to Lolly, hello?…).  Anyway, this is a happy day.

Do I have visions of being “skinny” - well no, right now I am only having visions of 25 pound increments.  But I believe.  And I love the aspect of this way of living of feeling healthy, clean and energized.

Yesterday, I felt great, today I feel even better…..one day a a time.

OK, I lost only .8 pounds at last nights weigh-in.  I wish it was more, but a loss is a loss, so I’ll take it.

I was running late and stopped by McDonalds this morning on the way to work.  Bad idea, Lolly, but I stopped anyway.  I could have ordered a side of scrambled eggs and it would be ok, but no, I ordered an egg and cheese biscuit……………fattening!  Well, I am halfway to work and open the bag to eat the sandwich…………….they gave me an egg/cheese/SAUSAGE biscuit.  I have been a vegetarian for 12+ years, so the breakfastwas trashed.  Really, what a blessing…thanks to the universe for saying, hello, you don’t want to eat that………..bad choice!!  Crisis averted.

On the vegetarian note, mom and I went to Ruby Tuesday.  I had a salad bar (all healthy choices) and I ordered a veggie burger (with only one piece of bread).  The veggie burger comes with french fries (a weakness) or I could choose a vegetable.  Well, I was going to choose french fries until….the server informs me that the french fries are cooked in the same oil that they fry the chicken in. OMG…..really? You are cooking chicken tainted french fries with your veggie burger………yikes….brocolli it was and quite yummy.

Thanks, universe.

Like many of us that have so much weight to lose, I am truly my worst enemy and I beat myself up constantly.  I am learning not to, but oh, it’s hard.  I would never be cruel or rude to someone else…so why do I think it is okay to treat myself this way?  One of my biggest regrets, for lack of a better word, and what I beat myself up about most, is the whole question of how did I let myself get to this place?  How did I get to this place of being so obese, alone (divorced long ago), no children, blah, blah, blah.

My mom (side note: she is not only my beloved mother, but also my best and dearest friend - she is my soulmate mother!) and I were talking this week, and she noticed something very interesting about me and what I am doing.  I am constantly saying things like “I have got to get my life together, I have got to lose weight, I have got to clean my house, etc….” - you get the drift.  Anyway, she noted to me that by saying “got to” so much, I am projecting out into the future and am not dealing with the now.  Hello….AHA moment anyone?  She is so right.  Instead of ever moving forward in any of these things I need to get done, I have been standing still.  Wow.  Words are so powerful. ..not just those words we say to others, but words that we consciously or subconsciously (?) tell ourselves.

I don’t kid myself, I know that all things are not going to get done with just a change in attitude, but good grief, isn’t this a fine place to start.

So, it really doesn’t matter anymore how I got here.  I am here now and what happens from now on is up to me.  I am on my way…

Happy Monday!  I have GOT to get in a habit of posting regularly.  I really feel like that will help me stay on track and be accountable.  Goal for this week: post AT LEAST every other day.

Thursday was another weigh-in and I lost 2.2 pounds. Yay.  Back on track.

Struggled yesterday with eating and my portions.  I also brought my dog to the vet yesterday and on the way home stopped to get her a hamburger treat and ordered myself a milkshake…….and promptly ate it.  Why, oh why did I do that?  What was I thinking?

Today is a new day, though.  I can no longer beat myself up.  It is what it is…..I have admitted it………I had a healthy breakfast and I have a healthy lunch and snack packed for myself at work the rest of the day.

I go on…

Well, it is Sunday.  I had my weigh-in on Thursday.  I go to a local TOPS meeting.  I bounced in to the meeting, convinced I had lost weight, and…..I gained 3 pounds.  What?  I had been very honest with myself all week and literally wrote everything down. Bummer.

In previous gains, I would have immediately gone home - after stopping by the grocery store for bad foods - and pigged out, thinking, what the hell, I screwed up anyway.  This time - miracle of all miracles - I went home and ate a healthy meal!! Yay me on that part of it, anyway.

As soon as I could sit down and after I ate my healthy dinner, I took out my food journal.  Nothing I ate was “bad” but perhaps my portions are still out of whack?  Perhaps some of the processed items are not a friend to my body.  So………I regrouped, and this week I am eating a more natural diet.  I am a vegetarian, so I am not even going to buy all the fake meat, etc that I normally do.  I will use beans, eggs, etc - in the correct, MEASURED, portions, of course.  And I am going to add more fresh fruit!!

So, in keeping it real, there was good news and bad news this week.  Bad news because of the gain, but good news that I didn’t make it even worse!! That has to be a good start.

So, I better run downstairs and cook some vegetarian chili for my lunches this week and get the critters fed.

Happy Sunday!

Lolly

The title says it all.  I just don’t want to be fat anymore.  High blood pressure, arthritic knee, feeling ugly…..no more.  I know it will take time, but I am ready.  Finally, at the age of 44, I can say that I am ready.  I created this blog as  a way for me to record my journey back to good health, fitness, and, well, back to happiness.

But I also know that I can’t think long term.  I need to take this one day at a time, maybe some days even a minute at a time, but I need, no I WILL,  get there.

I started my new way of eating, my new way/weigh of being two weeks ago and have to date lost 7.2 pounds.  I get weighed in on Thursday nights.

OK, here it is……………If I am being completely honest in this blog, I need to post my current weight.  At my weigh-in last week (after losing 7.2 pounds), my weight was………(gulp)…..334 pounds even.  OMG.

Blessings,

Lolly

P.S.  I am also posting a “before” picture as a record.  I don’t photograph often because I hate seeing myself like this, but…..here it is for the world to see….